From Mourning to Joy
Holding Fast to God in the Midst of the Storm
This is a story of love, loss, sorrow, and restoration. It is written to help those who have lost a loved one and give understanding to those who may come alongside one who is grieving. The personal and sometimes raw experiences are shared to help others as they navigate life through: impending loss, loss, the trauma of prolonged illness or disability, and grief. The author eloquently shares her feelings and experiences during the diagnosis, treatment, decline, and death of her husband. She imparts nuggets of truth and wisdom to guide others through this painful journey. Hope and encouragement are found in these pages. Ultimately, the author points to the One who held and carried her from deep sorrow to gladness, through mourning to joy.
Excerpts
The Beginning of the Unraveling
We began the day as we normally did. Normal routines. Normal rhythms of life. “Normal” was about to be knocked off its feet. Our routines and regular rhythms of life were about to start unraveling.
Michael went to work as per usual the day after the MRI. I busied myself with tasks at home. I received a phone call from his primary care physician. Apparently, he had been trying to get through to Michael on both his cell and his office phone. Michael was too busy with the everyday normal work tasks to be bothered to answer the calls.
The news was urgent. The doctor was asking if it would be okay if he shared the information with me. Could I then get ahold of Michael to tell him? I sat down, bracing myself. I tried to focus on his words. I grabbed pen and paper to jot down what he was saying. It felt surreal.
A tumor. In Michael’s brain. Three centimeters in diameter. Need to see a brain surgeon. Today. Yale New Haven Hospital. The best surgeon’s name and contact information were given to me. I needed to get Michael to the Yale Emergency Room as soon as possible and the surgeon would meet us there.
After I delicately and tactfully shared the news with Michael over the phone, and convinced him that we needed to go to the Yale ER as soon as possible, I waited for him to come home. It wasn’t easy to convince him that this matter should take precedence over his work. He had work to do and we were going to a wedding the next day and leaving on vacation the day after that. He didn’t have time for this right now.
We had no idea that our schedules and our time were no longer ours to control. We would be at the mercy and scheduling availability of those in the medical profession. It wouldn’t matter that we had a family vacation planned and paid for. It wouldn’t matter that we had important meetings at work. It wouldn’t matter that our children would have games or concerts that we might miss.
We were entering a whole new world. One that was completely unknown to us. Foreign. A world we never once wanted to enter. It was the beginning of the unraveling of our perceived control over our lives. Looking back, I see God’s handiwork weaving a new tapestry. He would take the unraveled strings of our lives and knit them into something new, different, beautiful. As we gave way to the new path for our lives, allowing God full control, trusting him more and more as he took us into the deep, he would construct something that would glorify him. A tapestry that is still being woven together from the threads of our lives. A design we won’t fully see finished this side of Heaven. He would weave in the pain, the sorrow, the loss, the grief, with joy, love, and peace, and make it our story. Not one we would have chosen. But beautiful, none the less.